His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
