I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
