smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
