I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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