He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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