we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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