Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
3pm strippers are depressing
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
