I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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