is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
