Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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