My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What a dumb baby whore.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
