she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
