I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
