So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
