just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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