I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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