Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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