the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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