Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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