Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
