When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
