Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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