Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
