Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
