I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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