Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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