Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
