I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
