The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
