i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
