Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
