Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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