I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
