In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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