The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
