it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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