he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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