Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
