oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
