Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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