Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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