Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
