Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
