The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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