The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
