Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
