Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
