I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Drake has all the answers
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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