True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
