i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
