so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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