It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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