the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
